Men’s Day Special: Fear, Grief, Sorrow, and Despair
“Men don’t cry. Men must be strong. Emotions are for the weak.” These are not just words; they are societal expectations ingrained into the psyche of men from an early age, especially in Pakistan. Boys grow up hearing these phrases so often that they begin to internalize the idea that emotional expression equates to weakness.
This mindset is a cornerstone of traditional masculinity and one that causes immense harm to men and society as a whole. By associating emotions with femininity and labeling them as “weakness,” men are pressured to suppress their feelings, often leading to devastating consequences for their mental health.
The Cost of Suppressing Emotions
The societal conditioning that demands men bury their emotions creates a dangerous cycle of isolation. Men are taught to be stoic, to endure pain silently, and to present an unyielding exterior. But this stoicism comes at a cost: unprocessed emotions don’t disappear; they manifest in anger, frustration, anxiety, or depression.
In Pakistan, where mental health is already a taboo subject, this suppression often results in destructive behaviors or tragic outcomes. The World Health Organization reported in 2019 that the suicide rate for men in Pakistan was 13.3 per 100,000 — a sobering statistic that underscores the critical need for change.
Stories of Emotional Struggles
For many men, the journey of grappling with emotions begins in silence, often punctuated by moments of intense grief, despair, or anger. Consider Ammar, who was diagnosed with blood cancer. The disease turned his life upside down, forcing him to confront his mortality. He recalls crying in helplessness and fear, struggling to accept his diagnosis. Despite the emotional support of his brother and friends, Ammar felt isolated in his pain, unable to fully process the enormity of his emotions.
Ahmer’s story highlights another aspect of this struggle. Living with AIDS after being injected with a used needle, Ahmer found himself grappling with fear, shame, and ridicule. The stigma surrounding his illness left him alienated, with friends and even family questioning his character. “I curse myself every day,” he says, revealing how the weight of unspoken emotions takes its toll.
Mikail’s journey is a stark reminder of how suppressed emotions can manifest in destructive ways. Abused by his father as a child, he later became abusive himself, lashing out at those around him. Therapy became his lifeline, helping him break free from the cycle of violence and reconnect with his emotions. “It was life-changing,” he says, reflecting on how professional help enabled him to confront the trauma he had buried for years.
Grief, too, takes on a unique form for men. Haris, who lost his son in a road accident, describes the overwhelming pressure to remain strong for his family. While his wife openly mourned, Haris felt unable to process his own grief. “Each night, when everyone was asleep, I would sit and stare at my son’s football,” he says, illustrating the silent sorrow many men endure. Similarly, Sikander, who lost his father in his twenties, recalls the long journey of acceptance and healing, a process made harder by the lack of emotional outlets available to him.
The Role of Patriarchy in Emotional Suppression
Patriarchy plays a central role in shaping the narrative that emotions are a sign of weakness. Boys are discouraged from crying, expressing fear, or seeking comfort. Over time, this conditioning turns into a belief system that dictates how men interact with their emotions — or rather, how they avoid them.
This toxic ideal of masculinity doesn’t just harm men; it also perpetuates cycles of abuse and violence. Anger, one of the few emotions society deems “acceptable” for men to express, often becomes a destructive outlet for bottled-up feelings. Mikail’s story exemplifies this, as his unresolved trauma led him to abuse others before therapy helped him break the cycle.
The Importance of Emotional Support
Breaking free from these harmful patterns requires a strong support system. Friends, family, and mental health professionals can play a vital role in helping men process their emotions. Ammar found solace in his friends, while Mikail’s psychologist aunt helped him recognize the root of his behavior. These relationships underscore the importance of creating safe spaces where men can express themselves without fear of judgment.
Women, too, have a crucial role as allies. By encouraging open dialogue and challenging societal norms, they can help dismantle the stigma around male vulnerability. However, this is a collective responsibility that requires the participation of everyone — from parents and teachers to community leaders and policymakers.
Therapy and the Path to Healing
For many men, therapy is a transformative experience. It provides a safe space to confront suppressed emotions, identify harmful patterns, and develop healthier coping mechanisms. However, the stigma surrounding mental health in Pakistan often prevents men from seeking help. Normalizing therapy and promoting mental health awareness is essential for breaking down these barriers.
Education also plays a key role in fostering emotional intelligence. Teaching boys that it’s okay to cry, to feel, and to seek help can lay the foundation for healthier emotional development. Schools should integrate mental health education into their curriculums, equipping students with the tools to navigate their feelings.
Redefining Masculinity
To create lasting change, we must redefine what it means to be a man. True strength lies not in suppressing emotions but in embracing them. Media, education, and community initiatives can help shift the narrative, promoting vulnerability as a sign of courage rather than weakness.
International Men’s Day is an opportunity to reflect on these issues, celebrating men while acknowledging the unique challenges they face. It’s a day to start conversations, challenge stereotypes, and foster a culture of acceptance.
Conclusion
The narrative that men must suppress their emotions is not just outdated — it’s harmful. Emotions are not a weakness; they are what make us human. This Men’s Day, let’s commit to creating a society where men feel free to express themselves, seek help, and heal. By ending the silence and embracing vulnerability, we can pave the way for a healthier, more empathetic world.
If you’re struggling, remember: you’re not alone. Seeking help is not a sign of weakness; it’s an act of strength.
Official editorial account for Bloggy.PK. We post various type of content from our writers.
